IF (again)

If I'm pregnant, my basil temp should start falling in the next day or two. I am really going to try to not test until Saturday, but I'm not sure that will happen if my temps don't fall. I know I won't test until at least Friday- and the only thing that could keep me going until Saturday is that I think an early negative could be extremely devastating. Well, perhaps not as devastating as a late negative, but you know what I mean.

If my temps start falling, I may be able to resist testing at all.... (yeah right!)

If...

If I am pregnant, I would like a record of how I've been feeling. Most of my "symptoms" I've been explaining away... the nausea and such from yesterday (6 dpo) I attributed to the percocet from the night before. But could the back pain itself (5 dpo) have been significant? Who knows... I know that today I feel very icky. I can't tell if it's nausea or heartburn- either way it's not fun. My back definitely doesn't hurt as bad, but it still twinges.


But there hasn't been implantation pain or spotting, no migraines, and I don't think my sense of smell is increased. But here's hoping that maybe, just maybe, it's true that every pregnancy is different.

4 dpo

I've spent a lot of the morning going back through my posts from last January. Trying to see when "symptoms" started showing up. From what I can tell- it was about a week from the IUI. So in the next couple days, I could have some early indications. I'm not sure why, perhaps its my own subconscious trying to protect me, but I'm not feeling very confident. I still hope I'm pregnant, but for some reason, I just don't think I am. But I'm sure that will be different tomorrow. Or later today. And it didn't stop me from buying pregnancy tests yesterday.


Oh! And I did find out that the cramping that I had the day of the procedure was the same last time. So that makes me feel a little bit better.


I increased my metformin on Tuesday. I actually felt ok yesterday, so we'll see how today goes. I think the decreased amount of carbs in my diet is helping me adjust to it. I think in the past, I got caught in the cycle that the drugs would make me feel terrible, and that carbs would help relieve the nausea right away- unfortunately, in the long run they made it worse. But since I wasn't eating many carbs when I started this time, perhaps the cycle is broken. And it gives me something to blame any early symptoms on. =)

Hiatus

I have decided to take a hiatus from this blog. If you happened to log on last night to read the post that is no longer here, then you have an idea why. I'm not sure whether or not it will be password protected when I decide to come back... but I'll put updates on one of the other pages if there is anything new posted here.

Follicles

OK- here's the nitty gritty... one follicle, right side, measuring 15 mm. Several others (on both sides) around 10-11 mm which she isn't concerned with as the main one seems very dominant at this point. So no twins (well, I won't ever say never, but not likely)... and IUI any day now.

Nightmares?

Nightmare isn't exactly the right word... but what would you call a dream, which if it came true would be insanely scary, and yet a blessing all at the same time? Yes- that's right- I've been dreaming about having twins. And it seems like it would be so great- but then you realize that you never get sleep- that the 18 month old will still require constant attention- and probably most importantly- you need cute twin names!!! Overwhelming is a good word for it.

So I'm waiting anxiously for tomorrow to find out what's happening "down there." And the waiting seems eternal.

In other news- I don't think the hot flashes are as bad this time around, but I think that the emotional wreckage is greater. I'm not sure (even with the heat) that I've come out on the better end of the deal this time.

THE Week

It seemed like this week would never get here! Matt and I decided in April to start trying for #2... I knew that because of our various trips, we wouldn't be able to cycle in May, but I really thought we would have started before now. And now the waiting is almost over- for a few days, there are things going on... I am hoping the IUI will be before Saturday. If it happens to fall this weekend, I am at the mercy of an on call doc, or having to use a fertility clinic where we've never met anyone. Neither option makes me all that happy.

I'm very anxious to see which ovary is active this month. I think Matt and I are hoping it's the left one... the right one tends to be a bit more active and produce a greater number of follicles... in other words, our chance for multiples goes up. (And for those keeping score, Brody came from the left side...) My left usually has 2 follicles, but one ends up being a bit more dominant. My right usually has 2-3 where 2 eggs releasing is a bit more likely. As much as I like the idea of twins, with one already here, I'm just not sure it would be my first choice... I like my sleep! =)

Probably no more updates until Tuesday after the ultrasound... though I think I may start OPK's today- just in case.

Day 7 (creative, eh?)

Yeah! So I took the last clomid today. The hot flashes have been hitting pretty hard- especially at night. But the bigger problem is that when they are done, and I have, in a huffy fit, thrown all the covers off, I can't get them back because Matt wraps himself up in them.

Except the sheet- because no matter how hard I try, I just can't get him to understand the purpose of a sheet. What's up with that???? I hate having to wash our comforter as often as I do, but he freaking won't use the sheet! I will give him credit, that despite not understanding why I would like for him to use it, he tries. But I think the 27 years that he slept without one before that are so deeply ingrained that it is impossible to stay that way through the night.

Oh- and because I am now 30, the doc wants my day 3 blood work done if I'm not pregnant this cycle... she thinks there's a good chance that there's something wrong with my egg levels/quality since I had a 50+ day cycle despite prometrium & metformin... I am more inclined to believe that my body doesn't respond well to progesterone (as I never had a period while taking a progesterone only birth control pill either)... so here's hoping it doesn't get the far...

And an even bigger OH! *If/When* we have a girl... I think we have a name... and NO I'm not telling until I am pregnant & it happens to be a girl... boys names are much more difficult for us to agree on (unless we want Brody & Brady & Brennan & Braeden... it seems the only boys names we like are BR names, and neither of us are willing to go there- but wouldn't Brody and Brady make really cute twin names???)

It's getting hot in here...

I thought I remembered the clomid taking a few days before the hot flashes kicked in, but alas, I've already had my first one, and the first dose was less than 12 hours ago... it wasn't a bad one though, so perhaps in winter I never would have noticed it.

Short and sweet tonight... I'm in the middle of the Harry Potter books. In the last 4 days I have finished books 1-3 and am halfway through 4. I am trying to reread them all before the 21st when the last one comes out. I think I am feeling the same way about the books that I am about this cycle. I am so excited for it to happen, and yet a part of me is sad knowing that it will be over soon. (OK, wait, that didn't sound right... I will be happy when the cycle is over, but there's a good chance Matt and I will stop at 2, and it makes me sad to think that I would be starting my last pregnancy and such...better?)

CD 1!!!!!

YEAH!!! 51 days later, we FINALLY have Day 1. I am not exaggerating to say that I squealed and jumped up and down with happiness. And I have to admit that I looked up my due date... (April 8th)... just. in. case. Which of course makes me think that if I had the baby on April 6th, it would be on my Great Grandmother's birthday... and that seems like a good omen to me.

I am trying desperately to not get my hopes up. I KNOW that we got lucky last time, and that there are no guarantees that the first time will work this time. But I can't say that I won't be sorely dissapointed! I mean seriously- if I have to take clomid during the hottest month of the year, there better be a good payoff! =)

So here we go.... clomid starts Saturday, follicle ultrasound on the 17th... insemination...??? sometime between the 19th and 25th.