THE Day...

Or at least the first of many days in this process. I head out to the doctor today... Basically just all the pre stuff... a lovely pap, a discussion on whether or not to do the prometrium (I'm currently torn, so I'm anxious to see what she has to say), getting advice on when to plan the trip to Santa Barbara (very difficult with erratic cycles), and a reminder of all the tests and procedures that we'll be going through. It's funny how I can remember the basics... there's a follicle check sometime before surge, there's OPK until surge, there's bloodwork afterwards to make sure it all worked- but I don't know the days intimately like I did a year and a half ago. One would think that after months of these tests that I'd remember, but well- I don't.

I am still a bit bitter about the process that we have to go through, but more and more, with a diagnosis and a proven work around, I am feeling more and more fertile. I am looking forward to the next month instead of dreading it. But yet the doubt lingers. What if it doesn't work this time? What if we have for negative cycles, and have to get referred somewhere else, for much more expensive, much more invasive treatment? I'm not sure that doubt will ever go away. I think no matter how real the child in your life is, until you feel that your family is complete, once you've walked in the shoes of infertility, you never really get over it.

But yes, hopeful I am...