Glossary

For those of you either new to my sites, or unfamiliar with the infertility world... or for those of you who just can't remember from day to day what all the acronyms are- I created a glossary at the right. I can't think of everything I will use, but I will add to it as I use something that I think will need to be explained.

=)

CD 9

3 days ago I was supposed to start using my OPK. (ovulation predictor kit for all you newbies out there...) Today, I finally remembered. I know I typically ovulate later in my cycle... or at least I do with clomid... but I'm not taking it this cycle, so really, I don't know when I might O, and if I was in any way thinking that this cycle could be viable, I might be a little more on top of things. But I'm not.

BUT... I also need to be able to prove to Nurse Cries With Me that either I didn't ovulate, or that we didn't do anything that could have made me pregnant ;-) around that time so that she'll start my period on the 15th. So I need to be more on top of it, and even though I have no hope, I need to be more invested in this cycle. But how do you do that without feeling the disappointment in the end when it doesn't work???

Psycho crazy...

Yes- that's me. The crazy one over here who ever since her darling hubby agreed to #2 has been dreaming about baby names. And about pink... because psycho crazy wants a girl. Now I'm not saying that #2 HAS to be a girl, but it would strengthen darling hubby's desire to quit at 2. Having a 2nd boy would strengthen my resolve to go for 3. Remember me? Crazy one? I think I just confirmed that.

Have I mentioned that the Metformin is actually not doing so horribly? I have been very careful to limit my carbs, and it is doing wonders for the side effects... now hopefully it will do something for my waist too... because eeee gads... we do not want to see more baby on top of the current leftover baby that's still there. Not pretty... not in the slightest.

Have I also mentioned that I have the single bestest SIL in the entire world? I know it has nothing to do with trying for a 2nd kid and all- but it has everything to do with the fact that there are people who don't need to hear that she not only sent me a long email yesterday telling me just how right I was, but then spent 30 minutes of her work day listening to me vent about her mother, and how I never want to talk to her again... and how I shouldn't have to... and reminded me that I'm not the bad guy- and I REALLY NEEDED THAT! So as much as I would love to publicly shout from the rooftops just how lucky I feel to have you in my life, I think we both know it probably wouldn't go far in helping matters any. I would do anything to have prevented the last 15 years of hell for you- but since I can't- I'm glad I can put the experience to good use. Tee hee hee... I LOVE YOU!

Yuck!

I had this small ounce of hope that now that Metformin comes in a XR tab, that I might not have all the wonderful side effects... but alas, they're back. OK- I admit, they aren't as bad as they could be- but still no fun.

And so it begins...

So yes, we really are crazy. I talked to our WONDERFUL Nurse Practitioner today... Nurse Cries With Me we'll call her, because good news or bad, she hugs me and cries with me. She was SO excited that we are starting to try again. I think it made me more excited than I already was- or at least made me momentarily forget that I may actually be insane.

With our travel plans for May, we can't cycle this month, but Nurse Cries With Me said that she would start the next cycle on Mat 15th if it doesn't start on its own. That would put our IUI right at the beginning of June.

So there are the "facts." The down & dirty is that I am scared out of my mind. While I know that Matt and I are ready for another baby- I'm not sure I'm ready for the process. The metformin... the clomid... the wandings... the hot flashes... the nausea... the emotional highs and lows...

I thought that having Brody really helped me get over the emotional turmoil of the year of cycling. I think in reality, he just let me forget for awhile. He made it so that I didn't have to worry about it. I have my miracle baby- and that isn't going to change. I feel almost guilty now asking for a second miracle. But there we are. I am hoping that since my issues (PCOS, and a sperm "allergy") have been identified that this time will be easier. I even let myself joke with Matt that if we got pregnant with the first IUI, we could have a leap day baby, but I quickly stopped myself- a positive outlook for getting pregnant doesn't really come easy for me, and I doubt with the scars of my past that it ever will. But none the less... here we are.

Trying again...